Cheeku,
It is one of those moments of solitude…just me and my thoughts. In these last few days I have missed you so much and I have missed Tubby so much too. It is so difficult to say these words to your son…that I miss your presence on day to day basis…that I wish you were here with me…but that is what I did…I wrote to Tubby just that. And I am sure he must be scratching his head and wondering what has hit Dad so suddenly!
In these last few years since you have begun your travels through the unknown, Tubby has constantly grown and along the way so much of his brother is also reflected in him while he retains his such a distinctive personality. You should see him now…confident and concerned…with so much love to give to his dad and mom and everyone around without being demonstrative…
And he has become a full grown ” blue blooded” adult! That is the expression used by my friend…someone I turn to when I am down and drowning, when I want to talk about you, when I need to speak of how much I am missing Tubby…when the fact that I would have to travel over the galaxies to meet you overwhelms me…I can turn to her because like you she is inside me…! You would wonder what kind of spooky person I am becoming! But Cheeku, as we grow older and the burden of living becomes increasingly difficult, when life begins to lose meaning and we cling to our sanity desperately…then we create a friend who remains always inside of us. This friend can be a he or a she, and as you can gather I have created a she friend! So I have this wonderful friend, who is as lost to me as you are because how can you give flesh and blood to someone who is never outside of you…in a way it is a permanent loss…so I have two of you who I must sense and feel and believe in without being ever able to see…But in another sense it is a permanent gain because no one or nothing can take away someone from inside of you!
So this friend chided me, said I do not share anything with you about Tubby and what he means to me, and how he is growing into such a wonderful young man. And that he is now an Executive Trainee with IL&FS in Mumbai. He would be moving into a ONE BHK (didn’t know that is what they call it-one bedroom, hall and kitchen unit…of course toilet too!) this week. He is enjoying this new life and I can’t even begin to think this kid brother of yours who always seemed so spaced out is now dealing with financial models, private equity and project finance!
Aren’t you really laughing your head off Cheeku?
Love
Dad