Cheeku,
I sat at the writing table in our Jaipur bedroom and opened the drawer. After a long long time. Right on top, I saw an envelop that had been sent to me by the Jubilee Hall in Cardiff. I opened it. There were three cheques issued by you to the Jubilee Hall for renting a room for the session starting September 2005. The management had cancelled them and returned these to me. Your handwriting and the signature you had practiced so long to perfect stared at me from long ago…when you were still contemplating walking this earth.
There are fragments of memories attached to so many things. While taking out the winter clothes, i came across two of your shirts, a fleece jacket you had worn when I visited you in Cardiff in 2003. I picked it up, as if to try and sense the warmth of your body still emnating from it. Yesterday, we went with Sir John to the Kebab Factory in Radisson, the food joint you loved so much and introduced me for the first time. This time we sat a little away from where we had when went there the first time. But I could see you getting up from the chair and walking around just to settle down all the kebabs you had eaten!
At every turn. There is a memory. Silently it drifts up from the deep recesses of my mind. I relive the moment, then gently file it away to relive it on another day.
Times have changed as have fortunes…at work I am no longer with the subject I so deeply loved-finance. But fortunes are not made of work space. Destiny plays itself out. What is more important is to move from one position to another or from one moment to the other honourably. You would be proud of your Dad. That Tubby and you should be proud of their dad, that is the greatest reward that I can ever hope for. I feel wonderful where ever I am because I know I have discharged my responsibilities with sincerity, integrity and competence.
So I always remember this poem by Shri Bhagwatisharan Shukla, which symbolises what you stood for, perhaps even whie deciding on the journey away from this world, in every turn of events…
हम दीवानों की क्या हस्ती
हम दीवानों की क्या हस्ती,
हम आज यहाँ कल वहां चले
मस्ती का आलम साथ चला,
हम धूल उडाते जहाँ चले
आए बनकर उल्लास अभी
आँसू बनकर बह चले अभी,
सब कहते ही रह गए,
अरे तुम कैसे आए, कहाँ चले?
किस ओर चले? यह मत पूछो,
चलना है, बस इसलिए चले,
जग से उसका कुछ लिए चले,
जग को अपना कुछ दिए चले।
दो बात कही, दो बात सुनी,
कुछ हँसे और फिर कुछ रोये,
छक कर सुख दुःख घूंटों को
हम एक भाव से पिए चले।
हम भिखमंगों की दुनिया में
स्वछंद लुटा कर प्यार चले,
हम एक निशानी सी उर पर,
ले असफलता का भार चले
हम मान रहित, अपमान रहित
जी भरकर खुलकर खेल चुके,
हम हँसते हँसते आज यहाँ
प्राणों की बाजी हार चले!
हम भला बुरा सब भूल चुके,
नतमस्तक हो मुख मोड़ चले,
अभिशाप उठाकर होठों पर
वरदान दृगों से छोड़ चले
अब अपना और पराया क्या?
आबाद रहे रुकने वाले!
हम स्वयं बंधे थे,
और स्वयं हम अपने बंधन तोड़ चले!
Doesn’t it sound so much like you, Cheeku?
अब अपना और पराया क्या?
आबाद रहे रुकने वाले!
हम स्वयं बंधे थे,
और स्वयं हम अपने बंधन तोड़ चले!
Love
Dad