Cheeku,
There are times when I begin to write to you in my mind. I share with you little things and big things. I share with you the joys and the sorrows of everyday living, of longing and belonging, of losing and accepting…The world is constantly changing and I live in two time zones. One which has stopped with you. The other which is constantly changing. It is so true:
Sabhi waqt ke age jhukte rahe hain,
Kisi ke liye waqt rukta nahin hai,
Badi tez raftar hai zindagi ki,
Kisi ke liye koi rukta nahin hai…
This year’s Basketball Tournament was even bigger than last year’s. It is so fulfilling to see your basketball court resonating with the shouts and moans of young players, moving with the ball rapidly, throwing up their hands in despair on missing a basket, exulting in scoring…back thumping, cheering…just the way it used to be when you captained your team to many victories and many near misses.
I see all your friends their. I see Tubby bravely going around helping with organization. All of them rejoice that you are there with them; all of them miss your not being there. I sit on a bench and see you racing on the court. I see you walking with you arms wrapped around your friends…then it begins to get misty…
Last week Soumya got married. One by one, all the close friends are getting married embarking on their new lives. All your friends were there, Tubby was there…they were dancing and signing…they were like the merry band that snooks a thumb at the seriousness of the world! And you were, once again there, and not there…
Cheeku, within there is a constant struggle…I am so proud and happy because you are my son. And then, I am constantly seeking you in the most impossible places…
I used to sing a song when I was young…then I did not really know how the words would come back to haunt me:
So well I still remember,
The little time I spent with you,
Your funny laugh, your smiling face,
Those cold days in September.
But now that winter’s over,
I sit alone and wonder,
What are all these things to me,
But memories…
Love you and miss you…
Dad